we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
