now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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