Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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