it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
