I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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