Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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