morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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