Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
