I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
