i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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