Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
