I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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