Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
