Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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