You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
