According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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