I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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