How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
