Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
