Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
