look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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