I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
