he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
