This is not my ceiling
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
