3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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