Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."

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(303): View more from Colorado

im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre

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(214): View more from Texas

Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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(701): View more from North Dakota

so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.

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(925): View more from California

We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car

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(358): View more from

I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.

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(914): View more from New York

You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Never underestimate the power of titties

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