the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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