i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
