I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
