so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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