You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
