Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
