five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I could fuck to npr.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
