she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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