So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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