Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
