just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
