you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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