I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
