If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
