so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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