so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
