I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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