just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
