i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
