Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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