note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
where are you?
Hypothermia
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize