i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
