i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
