I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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