does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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