By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
