Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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