i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
