I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
