shes about as inviting as chlamydia
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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