You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
