how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
