That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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