Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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