dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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