she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
