I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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