You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
