She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
