Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
