So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
