You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
